Before we had Daisy we lost our little squidge, I have got to say it was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I’d come off the pill just before we got married in the April, me and the husband had always said from day one that we wanted lots of babies and to have our own little family. We weren’t exactly trying to get pregnant we just were hoping that it was going to happen, so when I took that test while Robin was at work it made me so happy I was so excited to tell him he was going to be a daddy. Robin was over the moon and so was I but it was very early days, the thing I’ve found out in both pregnancies is that I get sick straight away so that’s not exactly the fun bit.
I must say in that pregnancy I was being way too over protective of myself, I thought I have this baby growing inside me I need to protect it at all cost so I restricted myself from doing certain things and not working as hard as I could and I do regret doing that. Then one saturday when I finished work I went to the toilet and noticed I had been bleeding that’s when panic set in, there is a walk in centre opposite work so we rushed there but there was nothing they could do it was Saturday night all of the epu units were closed so all I could do was go home and wait and see. The next day things got worse and I passed what was my baby so off to the hospital to confirm it but we were at the hospital for hours and with no special units open on a Sunday we were just sat in a&e where they couldn’t tell me anything. I got booked in to have a scan the next day which confirmed that we had lost our baby but that wasn’t the end I hadn’t passed everything so I waited two weeks to see if I would pass it naturally but nothing came so in the end I had to have a d&c which believe me is not dignified at all. You have to have your cervix softened then be put to sleep and whatever’s left is sucked out of you by someone you have never met and you know they are just staring at your bits.
It was really hard for us both we had just lost something so dear to us I cried and I cried and I thought that was the end I’m never going to get pregnant again we will never be able to have children. I was probably such a nightmare to live with I felt like a failure I couldn’t even grow somebody inside me. I can honestly say I stood on the balcony of the flat we lived in in the pouring rain thinking what can I do with my life now I’ve lost everything which was not the case I still had my loving husband and a family that cared for me.
We lost our squidge in July 2015 and then we were blessed to get pregnant in the October with our beautiful Daisy.